Today was my first day back to ballet after almost 2 years. It was surprisingly fun and surprisingly easy. The only downside was how badly I fucked up my knee again. I also managed to break my knee brace… Oh and I’m in a class with middle schoolers who are all stuck up… So that’s not the best but I did have a lot of fun which is really good because I was completely dreading class today. I’m really happy though that I decided to go back.
School starts in two days and I’m so not ready for that. My summer wasn’t that great but I’m going to miss the weather and miss having no responsibilities. I’m going to be sooo busy… And I’m hoping to find a job but I can’t find anyone who will hire me. I know, it’s bullshit. And I’m not even taking any fun classes this year! I really want an art class but I have no room. Oh I don’t remember if I told you this or not but I love to draw. I’m not very good but I love it. Maybe if I try hard enough, I’ll get better and be able to show someone but I don’t that will happen anytime in the near future.
I watched like the best movie yesterday. I’ve seen it before but I didn’t remember how much I liked it. It’s called August Rush and if you haven’t seen it I highly recommend it. I cried at the end. It was inspiring in a way. How the boy never gave up on trying to find his parents and on music. I love movies and books like that. Where they actually mean something instead of just stupid fluff and meaningless drama. It’s nice when a story has substance.
I wonder if anyone will ever read this. I mean probably not because I’m just a 16 year old girl and who the hell really cares about what’s going on in my life right? I don’t know why I even bother writing this… Maybe it’s because it’s more interesting than a diary. I can do more with it and there’s the possibility that someone somewhere might be reading this and might relate to me in some way or might care about what’s going on in my life. I know I’m whiny and I like to complain and that if you are reading this you probably want to kill me right now for going on and on about the problems in my life. Because honestly, who cares? There are people in other parts of the world starving or something.. I have to go though sooo maybe I’ll finish later. Probably not though.
My relationship is so dysfunctional. Like it is actually sad how dysfunctional it is. So for my mom’s birthday today, we went to the beach. My cousin and I sometimes don’t get along very well so I usually drag my boyfriend to all our family events. He got sick a few weeks ago… West Nile virus… anyway we were in the water and the waves were huge. It was like amazingly fun =). Anyway he started complaining that he was cold and I thought it was just from being in the water. Apparently it was from the West Nile and he could have died. So he was all pissed that I wasn’t listening to him and was a complete ass almost the whole time. We made up and everything but it’s like come on, I didn’t know and u can’t make me feel like a complete bitch for it.
Another thing about him, he hates my hair. He likes straight hair and mine’s curly. I love my hair. Google Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill. That’s kind of what my hair looks like. He gets mad if I don’t straighten it like at least once a week because he says I’m not trying. I hate feeling that I have to change just so he’ll think I’m pretty. Not even, just to feel good enough for him. He always makes me feel inferior and weak. I’m not. But it’s like, should I break up with him? I love him, we’ve been together for almost three years now… Shit’s complicated. Gah!
How is it that one day you can be like best friends with a person and the next they’re being bitchy as hell? This is why I don’t have friends, it’s too much drama. Oh and then, yesterday I was shopping with my boyfriend and then we were going to go mini golfing. Of course though, that didn’t happen. I got a call from my best friend saying she couldn’t breathe and she was about to pass out and she was scared and needed me to come get her. I did of course because she was scaring the shit out of me. So we ran to my car and drove the 20 minutes home to go get her. She was with our other friend at a fast food place and I told her to get in the car but I wasn’t about to let the other guy in the car, he had just fucked her up! Like get out of here dude… So then I broke down because I had no idea what the hell to do and bought her coke to keep her blood sugar up and took her to my house just to make sure she didn’t die and that was the end of my exciting day…
I’m a junior this year… That is so hard to believe. High school is half over. It’s scary. Soon I’ll be moving out and living on my own. And what am I going to do with my life? How am I going to support myself, am I going to do well in college? Will I make friends? And then there’s my boyfriend. He leaves the February of my senior year for college half way around the world. We’ve been together for 3 years now, what’s going to happen to us then? I have no idea what I want to study or where I want to go. And I don’t want a job I hate. I want a job that I enjoy and that somehow contributes to the greater good of the world. I know that sounds naive and stupid but I don’t know how could live doing a job I hate. That’s not really living at all in my opinion.
I’m home from Africa. It was really amazing and I definitely recommend going there to anyone. I’ve been up since 3 this morning because I’m having sleeping problems. I’m not too excited to get back to my life here. School is starting soon, I’m going back to ballet, and I have to worry about things like laundry and feeding myself. I stress the feeding myself part because I lost 5 pounds while I was away. None of my clothes fit and my boobs are smaller… I was pretty happy that people were excited I was home. The only disappointing reaction I got was that of my best friend. She wasn’t too excited and she’s away at her cabin so I can’t even hang out with her. I’m having a good time with my boyfriend though. I missed him and my mom a lot. But enough about that.
I’m pretty much on my own for today and I guess I should start getting used to that. It was really nice getting close to all the people in Tanzania but I’m fairly positive we won’t be hanging out at home… No matter how much they say we will. We’re not from the same groups. I’m more of a loner and especially during the school year. I’m the girl who eats lunch alone in the hall. But I’m cool with it. I think it’s easier to be alone than deal with the drama of being with people all the time. I’ve been stabbed in the back on more than one occasion and I’m not so big on the whole trust thing.
So last night I FINALLY got home from a week long trip to England. Let’s just say I’m extremely happy to be at home in my own bed. Unfortunately for me, in two days I’ll be leaving again… However this time it’s a trip to Tanzania with some people from school. This trip is 12 days long and counts as an entire year of science! I’m pretty bad at science so the extra credit will be great =). I woke up at 6 this morning and couldn’t fall back asleep. It was pretty bad and I’m still exhausted. I don’t know if anyone’s even going to be reading this, but I’m going to say a little about myself anyway. I’m 16 years old, I love to read, I love music, and I love cars. I’ve also just figured out what the banging I’ve been hearing all morning is. Apparently, my neighbors have decided to redo the roof of their garage… and start at 7 in the morning…. Anyway, back to me. My two favorite shows are Friends and One Tree Hill. Yes I’m aware I’m a huge dork. My most prized possession would be my record player, my favorite clothing item would be my leather jacket, and my dream car is a ’60s or ’70s red convertible mustang. My favorite author is Nicholas Sparks because, yes, I’m a hopeless romantic and my two favorite movies are Catch Me If You Can and There’s Something About Mary. No, I don’t play sports because 13 years of ballet just ruined my body and has made me unable to anything physical without excruciating pain in a number of places. But of course, I’m stupid and am going back to ballet after a two year break due to those injuries. Anyway… now you know a little about me.